GUEST BLOGGER: The Innocence of a Child?

NOTE: I have invited the contributions of Stu Reimer to write in this space on the issues of marriage and family. If you follow CRC at all you will know Stu to be my frequent substitute in the pulpit and I am looking forward to his work as my substitute from time to time in this space. Expect his blogs to appear every 6 weeks or so.

Stu is no expert on the things on which I have asked him to write (Just ask his wife and children), but he is a committed reformed Christian and a committed husband and father. His opinions are his own, but I trust that reading his blogs will bring much wisdom and offer much practical value as we try to maintain biblical faithfulness in our families while navigating a strange and contrary world.

Now, on to Stu.

---

Previously, I made the case how understanding the doctrine of depravity can be the foundation for a joy filled, gospel centered marriage free of bitterness and ongoing conflict. The blessing of understanding core biblical doctrines is that they don’t just speak applicable truth into specific circumstances but to all aspects of our lives. If I were to take my marriage problems to a secular counselor they would offer me a solution to that specific problem but next time when a new problem arises I would have to return to receive guidance how to deal with the new difficulty; pragmatism is king! When I rather seek biblical truth, I can apply it to all the difficulties my marriage may face. Moreover, its application is not limited to helping my marriage but also applies to raising my children. Such is the case with the doctrine of depravity.

Everyone has heard the phrase, “innocent as a child”. Admittedly there is some truth to it when speaking of a child’s relationship to the world but not in relation to the heart. Even many Christians would view a child entering the world as blameless and on course to act out only because of choices and environment.

This idea though does not align with Scripture. David in his lament in Psalm 51 states, “In sin did my mother conceive me”. The great Augustine commented that the reason babies cry when they are born is because they realize their own sinfulness. People don’t become sinners, they are born sinners. From the time of Adam’s fall, all his posterity fell under the curse of sin and is born unable to do any good apart from the grace of God (Rom. 5). This is why it is fair to call every little baby a bundle of sin. As one commentator notes, “God made them small enough so they can’t kill us and cute enough so that we don’t kill them.”

This view may sound very negative and lack gentleness but when applied, it ironically frees a parent to discipline with a lot less frustration and impatience. It would logically make sense that if you believe your child to be good at heart then naturally you’d be offended when there’s noncompliance. “Why doesn’t little Timmy just think more, try a little harder, rebel less against me?” This leads to being angered and offended that your child could treat you this way so the hammer of punishment is brought out to set them back in line to appease the parent.

It is here where we must rather look to God as our heavenly Father and mirror His example. He reserves punishment for the wicked but rather disciplines His children as He seeks to sanctify them. Sanctification of our children is the ultimate goal but as with our own, it is a process and not an overnight miracle. As we understand our children are born with an inclination toward sin, we should take joy in our God given role to shepherd them toward godliness. As we see God is patiently continuing to work on our own sinful leanings, the least we can do is extend this same act of grace towards our kids. We do not simply want them to comply with God’s law but repeat after David, “O how I love your law!” (Psalm 119:97)

For parents that feel exhausted and hopeless the place to start is prayer. Pray first for God’s grace in giving you a mind bent toward shepherding and shaping a soul and not simply maintaining order. Next, as you work to accomplish this, pray for His grace to transform this little rebel sinner you brought into the world, into a child of God with a heart bent toward righteousness. The most freeing gift of assurance is that our only responsibility is to shepherd them toward the will of God because only He can regenerate the heart; that it is not our burden to bear. (But we will address that next with the doctrine of God’s sovereign will).