GUEST BLOGGER: What God Has Joined Together

NOTE: I have invited the contributions of Stu Reimer to write in this space on the issues of marriage and family. If you follow CRC at all you will know Stu to be my frequent substitute in the pulpit and I am looking forward to his work as my substitute from time to time in this space. Expect his blogs to appear every 6 weeks or so.

Stu is no expert on the things on which I have asked him to write (Just ask his wife and children), but he is a committed reformed Christian and a committed husband and father. His opinions are his own, but I trust that reading his blogs will bring much wisdom and offer much practical value as we try to maintain biblical faithfulness in our families while navigating a strange and contrary world.

Now, on to Stu.

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*** As we do every year, we will be breaking from the blog for a month after our April 3 post. Look for more content in May.

“What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate” (Matthew 19:6)

Anyone who has ever attended a wedding I’m sure has heard this verse recited. If I’m allowed to be presumptuous, the emphasis is usually placed on the latter half of the verse, that marriage vows are binding, with divorce not being an option. When hearing about God bringing us together with our spouse, many of us will acknowledge the sentiment but come up short in understanding the fullness of what that really means. Some will lean toward deism and believe they would be married to their spouse whether God was involved or not. Other Christians, will interpret this to mean that God had an active role in creating the environment for us to find our spouse but the ultimate responsibility still falls on us to make the right decision. I would like to offer a third way and show why I believe the reformed perspective is not only biblical but also the most applicable in handling some of the difficulties we face in our marriages.

This time I would like to look into the doctrine of Divine providence. The 1689 London Baptist Confession states:

5:2 -- All things come to pass unchangeably and certainly in relation to the foreknowledge and decree of God, who is the first cause. Thus, nothing happens to anyone by chance or outside of God’s providence. Yet by the same providence God arranges all things to occur according to the nature of second causes, either necessarily, freely, or in response to other causes. Act 4:23, Proverbs 16:33, Genesis 8:22

5:3 -- In His ordinary providence, God makes use of means, though he is free to work apart from them, beyond them, contrary to them at his pleasure. Acts 27:31, Isaiah 55:10, 11, Hosea 1:7, Romans 4:19-21, Daniel 3:27.

Naturally, the first impulse many will have upon reading this is to turn up their nose because of our deep need for our autonomy as opposed to God decreeing all things that come to pass. There’s an appeal for God to love and care for us but not meddle in the direction of our personal choices. Scripture though, does not allow for us to believe anything other than God is the Sovereign ruler and source of ordination over all that comes to pass. I do not have the time or space here to defend this doctrine fully but rather demonstrate that it is not cold and deterministic but rather when applied, helps you believe as Spurgeon did that, “divine providence is the pillow upon which the child of God rests his head at night giving perfect peace”.

Why does this doctrine offer such comfort and peace? Let me first exploit the weakness of opposing views. If God is simply an overseer, who does nothing to impede our course of direction, that places all the pressure on us. We must find a suitable spouse who will be the perfect companion for the rest of our lives and beware of making a second rate choice. Or, and maybe even more anxiety inducing, is the belief that God is more personal and has a specific will for our lives and it is our responsibility to make the right decisions to fall in line with it. Unfortunately, it is both these paradigms that cause spouses to wonder as soon as there’s conflict or things get difficult in their marriage, “Did I make the right decision? Would I have been happier with someone else?” Moreover, if you hold to the belief that God has a specific will for your life that you need to discover, how unnerving to think you married the wrong person. Now everything is affected! If you start doubting your spouse was part of God’s will for your life, now it must mean your kids, where you live… everything becomes outside of His will for you. The level of anxiety and remorse is understandable. How many people have wasted their time asking “what if?” only bringing themselves to discouragement or worse; resentment? It becomes very easy to imagine what marriage would have been like with someone else.

Now, let me rather argue why a reformed view of God’s providence is a comfort and source of strength to any struggling marriage. When we say, “What God has brought together” we truly believe it. When thoughts of doubt want to creep in, I never have to second guess my decision to marry my wife because the answer to, “was it God’s will?” was settled when we signed our names on the marriage certificate. It is an extreme comfort to know, I never have to spend a moment looking back. Does this mean marriage will always be smooth? Of course not, but even if great challenges or times of difficulty are faced, we don’t buy the lie that happiness is the confirmation of our decision but rather point to Romans 8:28 and know that “ALL things work together for good, for those who are called according to His purpose.”

Finally, I’d like to conclude by not restating the negative thoughts and feelings that a belief in God’s providence can help avoid but rather emphasize the positive. When you look at your spouse and realize that this is not someone you simply made a decision to live with but instead truly believe that before the foundation of the world, God had already hand-picked them, out of billions of people in the world, to be your mate, how can you not be filled with peace and joy seeing them as a gift from God. When you get to lie down beside your spouse at night knowing that, how can the pillow you lay your head on, be anything else than comfortable?