GUEST BLOGGER: You Are Not Your Child's Savior

NOTE: I have invited the contributions of Stu Reimer to write in this space on the issues of marriage and family. If you follow CRC at all you will know Stu to be my frequent substitute in the pulpit and I am looking forward to his work as my substitute from time to time in this space. Expect his blogs to appear every 6 weeks or so.

Stu is no expert on the things on which I have asked him to write (Just ask his wife and children), but he is a committed reformed Christian and a committed husband and father. His opinions are his own, but I trust that reading his blogs will bring much wisdom and offer much practical value as we try to maintain biblical faithfulness in our families while navigating a strange and contrary world.

Now, on to Stu.

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I wish I could credit the source but one of the truest quotes I ever heard reads,

"The problem with autonomy is you will always lose; it will either go to your head or to your heart. If you are successful pride is sure to swell. If you fail, it will leave you discouraged and defeated."

There may be no other area this quote is more applicable than parenting. Even for those of us who hold the most Reformed view of God’s sovereignty, we cannot help but take the responsibility of transforming our children’s hearts into our own hands. So we read all the books, listen to all the podcasts, and never miss a day of family worship and then when our child grows up to put his trust in Jesus it is impossible not to find merit in our work. Yes, God played His role and the Spirit came alongside of us to aid in our success but WE did the praying, WE did the teaching, and WE did biblical discipline. How else would you explain why my child is living in Christ while my neighbor’s is hell bound? I think it’s understandable how moral superiority sets in as we in turn judge others.

Or, we unfortunately find ourselves with the alternative outcome. We have done all we can to raise our kids in the admonition of the Lord and yet, the results bear no fruit. Regret sets in, second guessing all the things we could have done different. Should they have not been forced to go to church, kept them out of public school, or spent more time on family devotions? Forgoing God’s sovereignty over our kid’s salvation and trusting in a pragmatic approach will crush the parents when it doesn’t yield the fruit they were hoping for.

When it comes to parenting, believing in a doctrine of God’s sovereignty over all things finds itself to be both convicting to the proud but comforting to the broken. It humbles the proud, reminding them that they do not hold the keys to regenerating the heart. There is no room for boasting in either our own justification or our role in our children’s. Our only boast is in the work of Christ in their life.

Now contrast that to the parent who is filled with guilt and regret because they have children who have walked away from all they have been taught. Trusting in God’s sovereignty becomes a comfort as it erases the burden of being responsible for outcomes but brings peace that only God can carry out the regenerating work in a child’s life. The outcomes of rebellious children may be painful and devastating but how much more for the parent that holds themselves responsible? Believing in God’s sovereign hand of decree over your children may force you to give up control, but it frees you to trust in His ultimate plan.

Let me conclude by making sure a Reformed view of God’s sovereignty is not a call for laziness or apathy. We believe that though God is fully sovereign and decrees all things, He still works through secondary means. This means that we are responsible for being obedient to His command for us to raise gospel centered children. It is a general principle that those who God has called to be His children are also those with parents He has decreed to raise them up according to Scripture. To end with one last quote often said from our pulpit, “Ours is the faithfulness, His are the results”. The wife of Charles Spurgeon once admitted she could not promise every one of her children would take hold of the gospel but they would all leave the home with open eyes. Our responsibility is to be faithful to the gospel as we disciple our children. For our work to bear fruit we are completely dependent of God’s mercy and grace. Parents, this is what the gospel does, it lays waste to resting on our own efforts but cries out for God to pour out mercy and grace on our kids and bring glory to His name.