GUEST BLOGGER: What is a Successful Marriage? Part 2: Affirmations

NOTE: I have invited the contributions of Stu Reimer to write in this space on the issues of marriage and family. If you follow CRC at all you will know Stu to be my frequent substitute in the pulpit and I am looking forward to his work as my substitute from time to time in this space. Expect his blogs to appear every 6 weeks or so.

Stu is no expert on the things on which I have asked him to write (Just ask his wife and children), but he is a committed reformed Christian and a committed husband and father. His opinions are his own, but I trust that reading his blogs will bring much wisdom and offer much practical value as we try to maintain biblical faithfulness in our families while navigating a strange and contrary world.

Now, on to Stu.

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In part 1, my time was spent denying any attempt that our secular culture puts forth trying to respond to this question. Since it is secular, it disqualifies itself from speaking into the sacred. In part 2, I would like to offer a Christian response, which I believe is the only worldview capable of giving an objective answer. If marriage has a divine creator who has given it a divine purpose, only He has the authority to set the standard for success. At the risk of committing sacrilege, I will slightly alter the first question of the Westminster larger catechism to give a summary answer and then attempt to flesh it out.

Q. 1. What is the chief and highest end of [marriage]?

A.    [Marriage] chief and highest end is to glorify God and fully enjoy Him forever.

    When God created the world, He did not simply speak it into existence and then walk away. From before the foundation of the world, God already had a predetermined purpose for His creation, especially His people (Eph.1:4). Ultimately, His purpose in creating was to bring glory to His name; marriage being no exception. Yes, God brought Adam and Eve together for the sake of companionship but marriage would come to have many purposes such as raising godly children, sanctification, serving as an analogy for Christ and the church, and reflecting the gospel (I hope to look at these more in depth in the future). When these purposes are being fulfilled, it brings honor and glory to God. Of course, in our sinfulness we will never do so perfectly but even in our failures, we return together to Christ with a marriage built on faith and repentance as He continues to be glorified. The amazing grace of the gospel means that no moral failure eliminates your marriage from being a success. Where God is glorified, there is success. The answer goes a lot further than merely pursuing happiness.

            Nevertheless, as the latter part of the catechism answer states, God created us to find joy in Him both before and throughout marriage. Here, a quick distinction must be made between joy and happiness. While happiness is due to circumstance, joy can be experienced in spite of it. A successful marriage need not be filled with euphoric highs every day; there will be ups and downs. Understanding our purpose in being united to the spouse He blessed us with means we are alright with that. We must never buy the lie that there is less joy to be experienced in a Christ centered marriage. In fact, the opposite rings true. A marriage held together by the redemptive work of Christ, offers peace and joy that could not be known apart from the gospel.

            From personal experience I have come to realize I may not laugh as much as I did in my youth, I don’t nearly do as many exciting and adventurous activities as I use to and I am probably not nearly as social as I once was. Yet, I’ll sit on my deck with a cup of coffee and watch my wife and children play in the backyard and become filled with a sense of fulfillment and joy I never knew before. Since this joy is not linked to happiness I can experience it every day.  This leads me to a place of gratefulness and worship to the One by whom and for whom we were made, especially when these blessings are undeserved. Here I witness both parts that make up a successful marriage united perfectly together. As we seek to glorify God with our marriages, we will be filled with joy and fulfillment. In turn, when we acknowledge this joy and fulfillment can only be found in Him, we bring glory to His name. It is within this harmonious cycle that we discover the secret to a successful marriage no matter what our circumstances. A marriage void of Christ is completely incapable of achieving this.

Colossians 1:16 declares that “all things were made through [Christ] and for [Christ]”. Since ‘all things’ must mean ‘ALL things’, marriage must be no exception. It is counter culture to find joy and success through submission but when we put our marriages under the supremacy of Christ we soon realize that it is only under His authority that we are free to fully achieve what the created purpose for our marriage is. (I hear the hymn lyrics in my head, ‘Perfect submission, perfect delight’). When we experience that, we can confidently say that our marriage has been a success!