GUEST BLOGGER: Sent to us, to Sanctify Us
NOTE: I have invited the contributions of Stu Reimer to write in this space on the issues of marriage and family. If you follow CRC at all you will know Stu to be my frequent substitute in the pulpit and I am looking forward to his work as my substitute from time to time in this space. Expect his blogs to appear every 6 weeks or so.
Stu is no expert on the things on which I have asked him to write (Just ask his wife and children), but he is a committed reformed Christian and a committed husband and father. His opinions are his own, but I trust that reading his blogs will bring much wisdom and offer much practical value as we try to maintain biblical faithfulness in our families while navigating a strange and contrary world.
Now, on to Stu.
One of my main issues with modern therapy is that instead of evaluating the sinfulness of our own hearts, it has become much more common to blame everything on outside forces. Parents that were harsh, friends that betray, leaders that abuse, etc. While those can all be realities, two things can be true at the same time. Moreover, progress will move forward a lot quicker when we focus on our own sin instead of the sins of others.
If you’ve paid attention to my pattern of addressing different Reform doctrines and applying them first to marriage and then to the raising of our children, you probably have caught on where I was going with my introduction. As parents, we do a fantastic job of realizing all the faults and shortcomings of our children but we are not so quick to acknowledge our own sin in response. Yet, when we open ourselves up to true introspection, our children can aid in our sanctification just as much as our marriage. Here are two of the main ways our kids help sanctify us:
They reveal to us our own sinfulness.
In my previous blog I wrote about how our marriages and interactions with our spouse, especially in times of conflict, open our eyes to just how selfish and unforgiving we can be. We may try to righteously work at bringing our children under the lordship of Christ but when the rebellious spirit of a child pushes back, it often brings up a response that is not God glorifying. Moreover, we highlight the sin of our children but overlook our own because as the adult we claim moral superiority. Not only do we often respond sin for sin when our children rebel but, though we hate to admit it, it may be our own sin that starts the chain reaction. Yes, children must obey their parents but I have witnessed a direct correlation between parents that yell in frustration at their kids and kids who do not respect their authority. In these cases I wonder where does the problem start and I’m led to Ephesian 6:8, “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline of the Lord”. Colossians 3:21 adds, “Do not provoke them to anger, lest they become discouraged”. These verses should cause us to examine our own hearts and evaluate areas where we need the Spirit to change us. As we allow the Spirit to do this, we will become more sanctified and often will be surprised to find out our children have a lot more respect for our authority when we lead as Christ led.
2. They force us to grow in humility and trust in Christ
One of the greatest aids in our sanctification is growing in humility and dying to self-centeredness. While marriage is helpful in this area, nothing will force us to humbly admit our lack of control and turn to God than parenting. How many parents begin their journey having all the right books and know all the right answers and then, BOOM, reality strikes. If we are being honest, our frustrations in parenting have a lot less to do with our children’s actions but more to do with our inability to handle unmet expectations. It does not take long into the parenting process where we realize we need to humble ourselves and plea to God for help as we rely on the Spirit for success. When we can humble ourselves and concede that we do not have the ability to change our children’s hearts or force obedience we become more sanctified as we are free to take on the task of raising godly children and leave the change of heart to God. Our role is to disciple, not be Savior! Another advantage of a humble heart is it opens our eyes that, like our children, we are all lost sinners apart from the grace and forgiveness of God. This in turn helps us set aside our pride and be able to confess our sin to our children. Yes, repenting and asking for forgiveness from a spouse can be tough but nothing can be harder than admitting to a 6 year old that you need their forgiveness for how you acted (although I have my fears that admitting to a frustrating teenager you need their forgiveness for your actions may be even tougher). Though it may be hard, I have clearly seen God use the Spirit to sanctify me in this way by humbling me and bringing me back to a reliance on the cross. I believe God is pleased when we pray out to Him to make us the father or mother we were called to be. I thank God how he has used my children to help me grow and I pray he does so with all the faithful parents who ask Him to do likewise. Finally, may we all remember that parenting according to Scripture is meant to be a joy filled gift. So maybe let us stop beating ourselves up for not being perfect (in fact only arrogance would ever tell us we won’t stumble) but find the joy and rewards in striving to be faithful, watching God work as much in our own lives as our children.
