GUEST BLOGGER: Children: Easy to Love, Harder to Like?

NOTE: I have invited the contributions of Stu Reimer to write in this space on the issues of marriage and family. If you follow CRC at all you will know Stu to be my frequent substitute in the pulpit and I am looking forward to his work as my substitute from time to time in this space. Expect his blogs to appear every 6 weeks or so.

Stu is no expert on the things on which I have asked him to write (Just ask his wife and children), but he is a committed reformed Christian and a committed husband and father. His opinions are his own, but I trust that reading his blogs will bring much wisdom and offer much practical value as we try to maintain biblical faithfulness in our families while navigating a strange and contrary world.

Now, on to Stu.

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So far, I have only written about issues relating to marriage but since this is a blog that is intended to cover all aspects of the family, I will shift gears and write about the blessing of children. Now, my choice of words may already cause some to bristle. That is because the cultural trend has moved toward viewing children not as a blessing but as a burden, or at minimum a necessary sacrifice.

Sadly, I believe this cultural cynicism has even begun to creep into the church (I must add with joy that I hear very little of it in our church). Seemingly, many couples have children because of accepted cultural norms and the idea of offspring sounds nice but a few years in they can’t help but wonder how freeing it would be to be childless. Now, I would never question that these parents don’t love their children; they provide for them, protect them and would even die for them if need be. What I am left to question is how many parents actually like their kids. If I go by empirical evidence I’d be left with discouraging conclusions. Parents snapping at children, asking to be left alone, complaining about how much kids cost, sulking how much they’ve had to give up of their personal time, etc. A daycare provider once told me that she could always tell the difference between which parents liked being around their children and those that did so out of responsibility. One would always pick their child up as soon as they were done work no matter how early, while the other would wait till the last minute of closing time even if they were off work. So how do we become more like the former instead of the latter? (No, being a stay at home parent does not automatically mean we solve the problem ) Even though raising children can be difficult and often leaves our energy supply depleted, how can we carry on and find great joy in the presence of our kids no matter what the circumstance? We could simply try to stir up more affection in our hearts for our children and hope they do enough to make us proud and are funny enough to leave us wanting more. Or, we could see what Scripture tells us about them and realize that we are not only commanded to love our kids but to like them too.

There are multiple passages of Scripture that defend the blessing of children but I will do so by leaning on the Psalms beginning with Psalm 139. Here, we can apply the same description that the Psalmist David applies to his own creation to our children.

“God knit [them] together in [their] mother’s womb [13]. [They] are fearfully and wonderfully made (14). [Their] frame was not hidden from [God], when [they] were being made in secret, intricately woven in the depths of the [womb] (15). [God’s] eyes saw [their] unformed substance; in [His] book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for [them], when as yet there were none of them (16)”.

Without looking at each of these declarations individually we can summarize that every child has intrinsic value based on his/her Creator. It is safe to say, they have more value than any other earthly gift you have been given, and yes, each one of our children is a received gift. Couples often talk about making a baby but the truth is that they are only secondary movers. It is God who does the creating and we who do the receiving. It is this Biblical outlook that should give us a deep appreciation for every child in our household. To look at our children with annoyance is to offend the One who created and gifted them to us. Imagine giving a special gift to a loved one and hearing them complain about it for the years to follow. Lastly, notice that none of these truths in the verses above are at all connected to the obedience and performance of our children; although admittedly, there is a point in future years where Scripture does apply the use of curse to rebellious children yet even then they remain image bearers of God. Apart from a biblical worldview we will fall into the trap that our appreciation of our children hinges on how they make us feel. When they are obeying and doing things to make us proud we like them but when they don’t fill that void in our heart we no longer have a desire to be around them. This is what leads to the abdicating of the shepherding and nurturing roles that mothers and fathers are called to carry out. Worse yet, it acts in direct contradiction to how our heavenly Father deals with us.

If Psalm 139 does not convince you, let us look at one more; Psalm 127. Once again, we do not see children perceived as a nuisance, a burden or a necessary evil. They are a “heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward” (3). We see here the same truth that was read in Psalm 139. Children are God’s foreordained creation, gifted to the parents he prepared for them. This is why I’m saddened by our western view of big families. Sadly, a home filled with many children has widely become viewed as a curse and the parents are pitied. As Christians how can we talk like this when it is in direct contrast to Psalm 127:4-5; “Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one’s youth. Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with them”. The point is not to place a requirement as to the number of children Christians should have but to walk in line with the truth that every child is a gift and should be celebrated in the home.

To summarize I return to where I started. Almost every parent will love their children because they are their very flesh and blood. Yet, it is when we move beyond that and know each one of them was intricately created by God and gifted to us that we move from liking them because of how they make us feel to something deeper. We are brought to a place of deep appreciation for them that even the sacrifice and hard work become a journey to delight in as we raise them up in the admonition of the Lord. We find joy that we are parents with a kingdom building purpose that will impact generations to follow. If ever we feel the work and the sacrifice seems too hard, it is then that we are pointed to the cross and remember our sacrifice pales in comparison to what God the Father accomplished through Christ as he made the ultimate sacrifice bearing God’s wrath for our sin so we could become children of God. Amazingly when Christ considered the cost of suffering would result in Him reconciling men to God he considered it “JOY” (Heb12:2). May we find great joy in our parenting!!